I used to travel to the NorthEast region of the US almost every Autumn to attend a personal development workshop at Kripalu & see the amazing fall colors that come alive throughout the region.
The last time I was in New York was on a business trip in early 2020 when the pandemic started. Thankfully, I was able to get out of NYC before everything shut down. I got Covid while I was there & was sick for months. I didn’t quite know if I was going make it.
New York was the start of my pandemic experience. Now I'm back in the region, taking time to reflect on my life since I was last here. So much has changed in my BodyMindSpirit and in the world around me. This trip gives me time to honor a closing & it also creates space for a new beginning to emerge.
Autumn can be a challenging season for me. I appreciate the cooler weather Autumn brings after a long, hot Summer, but the shift from Summer’s alive vibrancy into Autumns deepening darkness can be hard for me.
Spring & Summer enliven my spirit with joy & vibrancy, whereas Autumn has a much different tone to it. Autumn moves us into the decline cycle of nature, calling for us to be with deep themes such as harvesting, releasing & transformation into death.
The older I get, the more I see Autumn as a mirror into my own aging process. The shedding leaves, the withering plants, the entry into hibernation; these are all reflections into what happens in later stages of life. Sometimes these in-your-face reminders about what happens as we age are not fun or easy to be with, but they are core aspects of the aging journey.
As I walk through the fallen leaves on the forest floor, I reflect on where I am in life. As a woman in Late Adulthood, I too am shedding & releasing past versions of myself. In many ways the pandemic hastened this process for me. It stripped away so many things from my life; friendships, community, health & so many hopes for the future.
As I sit with the grief over losses that have happened in my life since I was last in New York, I'm reminded that all things come to an end. Everything we love & hold dear will die. It is the nature of things. Learning how to be with these endings is a powerful teaching & life experience.
Whether it's the loss of physical vitality, the changing nature of relationships, or the relinquishing of long-held identities, it’s important to acknowledge the grief that emerges as each layer of our past life sheds.
Sitting with my grief reminds me of the opening paragraph in Francis Weller’s book ‘The Wild Edge of Sorrow." It reads, "Grief is a sorrow that carves riverbeds in our soul, deepening us as it flows in & out of our lives. There is something familiar about the rising and falling of loss, how it takes us below the surface of our lives & works on us in some alchemical way. We are remade in times of grief, broken apart and reassembled. It is hard, painful & unbidden work. No one goes in search of loss, rather, it finds us & reminds us of the temporary gift we have been given, these few sweet breaths we call life.”
Autumn: Time To Harvest
This season encourages us to recognize & harvest the nutrients from our life experiences so they can enrich & nurture the soils of our soul. The abundance of our life harvest may be from personal achievements, new insights, strengthened relationships or soul vows lived into the world. Taking time to appreciate & assimilate the harvests of our living allows us to cultivate gratitude & acknowledge the growth of our being as we evolve.
As I reflect on my own harvest, my heart warms to see that I have bloomed throughout my life in many beautiful ways. Like the trees around me, I too have created fruit to nourish others. I’ve offered shade to those in need. I’ve risen up from dark depths to expand into the light. I am deeply grateful for the bounty the summer of my life has yielded. However, the summer of my life is over. That season is complete. I am now in the autumn of my life.
A new season is upon me. The shedding trees of Autumn encourage me to reflect on how I can honor endings in my life as a way of clearing out space for new beginnings. Even though I'm aging, I'm not dead yet. There is still life & possibility available to me. That which has fallen out of my life opens space for something new to come in; new friendships, new community, new ways of practicing self-care, and new ways of visioning hope for the future.
Autumn: Time to Release
Just as the trees shed their leaves, nature calls for us to do to the same. This season invites us to look deeply into our lives & ask: What is holding me back? What burdens or patterns weigh me down? What has served its time & is ready to be let go?
Letting go can be challenging, especially when it involves beliefs, habits, or relationships that once served us but no longer align with who we are becoming. Growth is a lifelong journey and it's important to remember that just as the trees are not diminished by losing their leaves, neither are we diminished by letting go of what no longer aligns with our lives as we age.
The experiences, beliefs & roles we’ve outgrown, don’t simply disappear. They become the compost that nourishes the next chapter of our life. The lessons we’ve learned, the resilience we’ve developed, and the wisdom we’ve gained infuses our future growth. Our past is not discarded as we age, but rather it serves as a rich foundation from which new life can emerge.
Transforming Sadness into Hope
These deep themed contemplations around aging can make me feel heavy & depressed, and I was definitely feeling the weight of these autumn musings as I was exploring Upstate New York.
As I was exploring the region, I saw in a local publication that there are Lighthouses along the Hudson River. This discovery sparked my spirit & I was inspired to visit them.
I didn't know they built Lighthouses along rivers, so it was wonderful to be reminded that there is still so much for me to learn & experience in life, even as I age. The Lighthouse is a powerful beacon of inspiration for me & I was excited to visit several of them on this trip.
The first lighthouse I visited was the Saugerties Lighthouse, built in 1869. I really enjoyed walking the half-mile trail to this Lighthouse. Along the trail there were small clay art pieces hidden amongst the trees & bushes. I had so much fun looking for them along the way. My inner child was very happy being engaged in this nature scavenger hunt adventure.
Walking this trail reminded me that life is full of beauty, mystery & wonder, and I do not want my aging process to minimize my ability to see & appreciate the magic & medicine around (and within) me everyday.
I don’t want my sadness around aging to diminish the joy, inspiration & happiness I experience. Instead, I choose to embrace a different narrative; one that sees aging as a path toward deeper presence, joy & fulfillment. I am cultivating the vision & possibility that over the next decade, I will grow in wisdom & in my capacity to love, and in this evolution of self, my soul will be enriched on its journey into my elderhood years.
I also visited the Rondout Lighthouse, built in 1913. To reach it, I took a solar-powered boat along the Rondout River to where it meets with the Hudson River. I enjoyed chatting with the captain & volunteer guide as we cruised along the river, enjoying the beautiful day.
I learned that the Hudson River is a tidal river, rising & falling about 4 feet each day. The tide moves in both directions, giving the Hudson River a dynamic rhythm, a natural pulse, a heartbeat that connects it to the sea. I found this soulfully fascinating.
I enjoyed exploring all 4 levels of this Lighthouse, and was even able to climb the metal ladder up to the light on top. As I moved through each level of this structure, I could feel the profound solitude that defines a lighthouse’s existence. There’s a quiet isolation intrinsic to being a Lighthouse, and this awareness spoke deeply to my own being.
Lighthouse Inspirations
As I stood at the top of the Lighthouse looking out over the Hudson River, I connected in with the Lighthouse as a powerful metaphor for guidance, stability, and resilience in my life. A Lighthouse stands firm against life’s storms, reminding me to cultivate this same steadfast presence within myself as I navigate the physical, emotional & social changes of aging.
The aging process can be challenging, however, the Lighthouse reminds me that even in the darkest of times, there is light to be found; whether through spiritual growth, personal reflection, and deeper relationships.
By embracing the Lighthouse as a guiding symbol in my life journey, I am reminded that while my body may change, the core of who I can remain luminous.
Releasing Resentment
As I reflect on the Aging Autumn of my life, the Lighthouse stands as a guiding symbol, encouraging me to rise out of my sadness and reconnect with my inner light. Since the pandemic, I've felt a deep sadness around my aging process. As I continue to emerge from my isolation & reengage with the world, the Lighthouse calls for me to recalibrate hope & joy in my life.
I don't want to see aging as a loss, but rather as an evolution. Aging is a constant unfolding and it's one of life’s most profound transformations. Rather than resist or dread it, I want to embrace it, trusting that each stage of me journey will reveal new aspects of myself, deepen my understanding of life & cultivate my relationship with Spirit.
Autumn Integration
I am grateful for the time I had in New York. It was powerful to return to the place where my pandemic experience began, and reflect on transformations that have shaped my journey since I was last here. This trip allowed me to not only honor endings, it also helped me prepare the ground of my life for new beginnings.
Like the shedding tress, I too am inspired to release layers of resentment I've held toward my aging body & all that's fallen out of my life in recent years. It's time to let this go so I can make room for more hope & joy in my life.
Each stage of life holds the potential for discovery & transformation. This trip inspired me to cultivate hope in my life as a faith & belief that life can continue to have meaning for me even as I age.
Aging Intentions
My intention & desire is to keep my spirit open to possibility, joy & love as I age, knowing that what sparks these feelings within me will evolve over time. By focusing on what is, rather than what was or what might be, I am able to reside more fully in this moment which is where true joy can be found.
This aging journey is new terrain for my Wild Soul Wanderings, and I want to explore every day of it as a gift, an opportunity to awaken to the fullness of my being. Aging is a constant progression, so I might as well embrace it fully, with gratitude and presence, as long as I am alive & able to do so.
May we all find the courage to age with curiosity, to live in the wisdom of authenticity, and embrace each moment on this journey with gratitude, presence, and freedom.
Art Journaling
Here's a link to an art journaling page I created to explore the Autumn of My Life. This was a powerful page to create & I am honored to share it here with you.
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