I had a pomegranate throughout the pandemic.
When I bought it, it was red, plump & juicy
and filled with so much aliveness.
…but I was sad.
The weight of the world
had locked me into a dark place
and I did not have the desire
to consume the joy of this fruit.
.. so it sat; uneaten.
Over time it dried out & lost its hue.
It became cold, hard & shriveled.
I held onto it though.
Something about this pomegranate
reminded me of myself;
withered & old, dried out & brittle.
No longer a form of spirited beauty
but the decay of life packed into a carcass
of something past its prime.
This dried pomegranate
was a mirror of what my life had become.
I held onto this pomegranate for 3 years.
Not knowing what to do with it.
Not knowing what to do with myself.
…and so, it sat on my altar;
a reminder of the life force that had left me,
and the dried casing I’d become.
Prayers on the Carcass
I recently took this dried pomegranate
to a special place in the mountains
where I talk with the soul of the world.
I brought the pomegranate here as an offering.
As I contemplated letting it go
a sadness welled up in me.
I had grown attached to this pomegranate.
It was an altar object I’d been connected to
throughout the pandemic; every day,
as a beacon of my becoming,
or maybe better said...
my unbecoming.
I took a blue marker from my pack
and started writing on the pomegranate carcass
things I wanted to release, such as:
stagnation that has festered in my body, mind & spirit
fear that keeps me restricted & small in so many ways
dryness that minimizes the flow of life force energy through my being
As I held the dried pomegranate in my hands
and wrote my release prayers on it
some of the blue ink rubbed off on my fingers;
a not so subtle message from Spirit letting me know
I wasn’t going to be releasing everything today.
Some of it was going to stay with me.
It’s imprint had bled into me.
Not even my tears can wash it away.
I wrote my prayers anyway.
Crashing Open
Then, I threw the dried pomegranate
covered with my prayers and tears
down the mountain side,
honoring the element of air & flight
and the release of its weight from my being.
It crashed down, smashed into a rock,
and broke into so many pieces.
I was shocked!
The pomegranate was so dried and hard
I wasn’t expecting it to break.
But it did; quickly & completely.
…and of course… I had to go look at it.
How’s that for metaphor
around having a hard time letting go !!!
I went down the mountain & looked at the innards;
the core of my hopelessness splayed open.
Seeing the dried seeds exposed to the elements was inspiring.
What was once held inside
was now free and open to be dispersed
to live a new life in this amazing terrain.
Something about watching this old pomegranate
break open so fast and completely
gave me hope that I could break out of my imprisonment
and create a new life.
I contemplated this as I walked back up the mountain,
as I looked at my stained fingers
from the marker of my prayers.
I knew aspects of my hopelessness
was still going home with me.
Not all was released.
But not all was retained either.
Something had shifted,
and for that, I was grateful.
To complete my ceremony,
I pulled some Oracle cards to inspire the experience.
From one deck, I pulled the Swamplands Card,
which reflects how hard it can be to walk through
the boggy muddiness of the swamplands.
From another deck, I pulled the Shadow Card,
which showcases essence energy
I've been locked into these past couple years.
Together, these cards reflect back to me
how steadfast I have been
standing still in the shadow. Not moving.
It’s been a bleak couple of years for me.
As I walked out of my ceremony site
I contemplated the following questions:
What seeds in me are ready to be exposed to a new life?
What wants to burst out of me and find expression?
How can I crack open & experience new wonder & magic in my life?
As I gently contemplated these questions,
I saw the first flowers of Spring.
This made me smile.
Surely this is a sign I am on the right path.
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